Battling loneliness and past trauma, the author found healing in an unexpected gift of friendship. This moving story shares how selfless connection became the most meaningful gift of a lifetime, changing the author's perspective on trust and belonging.
Lonely. Depressed. Suicidal. Lost. These are just a few words that describe what life was like before I received the greatest gift I did not even know I needed.
I spent the early years of my life being bullied by my peers. As I grew older, making friends never came easily, simply because I did not know how to make friends. Every attempt felt like a failure, but one attempt in particular was nearly a fatal attempt. What began as a desire for connection spiraled into a decades-long battle with anorexia. Fast forward a few years. The anorexia was now defeated, but the social issues remained. I had become even more withdrawn. The bullies were gone, but the damage they had caused remained.
After surviving so long without close relationships, I believed I did not need them. I was not searching for friendship; rather, I was gifted with it. One day, I decided to visit the church I had spent my first 16 years of life attending, even though I had been attending another church for the past 20 years. I sat in the back, thinking I would slip in and out unnoticed, but this was not to be. These people were far too friendly for that to happen.
Although several friendly people greeted me that day, one person in particular stood out. She greeted me with genuine warmth and a hug. For the most part, I did not like people touching me, but for some reason, this time it was okay. At the time, I did not know why, but I knew in my spirit there was something different about her— something that felt special. I continued to attend the church on a regular basis, and this person continued to connect with me in a genuine and loving manner. I honestly did not know how to respond. I had spent a lifetime building up walls. I had convinced myself that I could not truly trust anyone. Through small acts of kindness and persistent gestures of love from this person, something in me began to shift.
This gift of friendship—unexpected, unearned, undeserved, but deeply healing—changed something inside. I did not go looking for it. I did not (and still don’t) think I am worthy of it. But grace has a way of showing up when we least expect it. Through this gift of friendship, I have been able to experience things I never thought I would: trust, respect, authenticity, vulnerability, and lots of laughter. This friend not only accepts me as I am, with my countless faults and idiosyncrasies, but also inspires me to want to be a better person. Her life of selfless service, quiet strength, and genuine love cannot be matched. The greatest gift I have ever received, one that transformed my life, is the gift of friendship. Although it costs her time, energy and love, the gift she has given me is beyond measure. It is priceless.
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